Motherhood, mental illness and beyond

Posts tagged ‘Facebook’

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A friend commented recently on the fact that DH and I have hardly any photos of the children on Facebook, and those that we do share either don’t show their faces or only part of their face so they’re not readily identifiable. This seems quite unusual in this age of social media and my friend was understandably curious.

It’s not just us who are reluctant to share pictures of our children. Some people who refuse to share do so out of fear of paedophiles, concerned that posting an image of their child online will put that child at risk of sexual abuse. Some people have very serious reasons for withholding images of their children – perhaps a violent partner or abuser is looking for them, or a child has been removed from their biological family and is being fostered or adopted

Our reason is far more mundane, however – privacy.

My children aren’t yet old enough to decide whether they want to have photos of themselves floating around the internet. For DH and me to make that decision for them would, we feel, be a breach of their right to privacy. In years to come, when they’re applying to colleges, universities or jobs, it may well be commonplace to do online searches to see what applicants are like (this is already starting to happen) and anything that pops up should be something that the children have consented to being shared. (Not that I imagine any future employer would be interested in baby photos but hopefully you understand what I mean!).

In the earlier days of Facebook we used to post pictures of the children quite often as it was an easy way to share photos with our family and friends (most of whom don’t live locally to us) knowing that only they could see them. But then the site changed, so that if you commented on a photo your friends could see it too. Very quickly a lot of strangers were able to see your image, something that was brought home to us when one of DH’s friends discovered that some of his Facebook photos were being used in an advertising campaign! At that point we removed our shared pictures and videos and haven’t posted any since.

We still send photos to interested friends and family but now it’s by email, and we’ve asked family not to post pictures of them online. I never put photos of the children on my blog and rarely tweet even back-of-the-head shots. I have no objection to others sharing photos and videos of their children online and I do enjoy seeing them. But DH and I would feel uncomfortable putting our own children in the public domain until they are mature enough to make the decision for themselves.

What do you think? Is this something you’ve thought about or is it a non-issue as far as you’re concerned?

Why I shouldn’t go on Facebook when I’m struggling

Facebook is both a blessing and a curse. On one hand it enables me to talk to friends without having to see them face to face – as I’ve said before, I’m much better at writing things down than I am at being honest in person. On the other hand it means I get to see all the petty, inane drivel that people come out with sometimes (and yes, I include myself in that!).

Earlier this week I was really struggling to hold myself together (see this post if you want details). And I started looking at my friends on Facebook and thinking, are you really a friend? Are you someone I could call on in the small hours of the morning if I needed to? Are you someone I trust? The answer for most people was no, of course. Friends like that are rare and precious – but I wasn’t really thinking straight at the time.

So I went down the list clicking delete, delete, delete… Most were people I’ve been meaning to get rid of for a while – other mums who I only know because we have children the same age, people I was friends with at uni but have barely spoken to in years. It felt good to get rid of them, like decluttering or spring cleaning.

As my mood has settled, however, I have found that there are a few I regret deleting. I’m not sure what to do about this, especially as hardly any of them know about my mental health problems and even those who do don’t know the full story. Do I just chalk this up to experience and move on? Do I contact them, explain and apologise? To be honest I doubt any of them have even noticed – certainly no-one’s contacted me or tried to add me again. Which just compounds my feelings of confusion and “Well they’re obviously not proper friends anyway”.

To make things even worse I’ve had another, similar day today (someone who responded to the earlier post called it a mixed episode, this period of flitting rapidly between up and down). So I don’t know whether I’m thinking straight now either. I don’t trust my own thoughts, my feelings, my instincts. My mind is like a Gordian knot at the moment and this incident is only one strand of the rope.

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