It’s after midnight and I should be asleep (I don’t want to turn into a pumpkin!) but I’m not. There are a few reasons for this. The first is that 14 month old DS has croup. He has a harsh, barking cough that keeps waking him and even when he’s asleep he’s restless and mumbling, sometimes calling out for me.
The second reason is insomnia. No matter what time I go to bed it takes hours for me to get to sleep. Not great.
But the main reason is the loss of my Twitter account. I have no idea what the problem is but it seems that my account is suspended for the time being. For most
normal people this wouldn’t be a problem but I have come to rely on Twitter. I have friends there, people who I can laugh and joke with, be honest with in a way that I find nearly impossible in real life. There are wonderful, amazing people on Twitter who understand the way my mind works, who can empathise and sympathise when I’m struggling and who regularly offer a shoulder to lean on.
Without this source of support and companionship I feel very alone and near panic. I know this is irrational and yet I can’t stop the feelings of isolation and loss. I feel as though I am standing in the midst of a storm, the clouds and wind swirling about me, and I am shouting into the chaos – only now there is no-one there to answer me.
Of course I’m not really alone, DH is here. But he needs his sleep too and I don’t like to be any more of a burden to him than I have to be – Twitter gave me another outlet for the chaos in my mind. I hope my account is restored soon. I need it more than I realised.