Twittergate – what happened when the people in my phone went away

My last few posts have been rather brief, slightly ranty and disjointed. I apologise for this. As you may have gathered, I managed to get not one but 2 Twitter accounts suspended (apparently you’re not supposed to have arguments conversations with people you don’t follow and who don’t follow you).

My original account has now been restored but I am unable to log in to it. I have no idea why. Twitter have no idea why (or at least they haven’t got back to me yet). So I had 2 options – wait a few days for Twitter to sort it out, or start a third account. Being the sane, sensible and normal person that I am I chose to start a third account. 😉

Why? Because I need that interaction with people. I am terrible at being open and honest in everyday life but I can say anything on Twitter and someone is likely to respond sympathetically. If I am becoming stressed or edgy I can spend a few moments immersed in other people’s thoughts, their day, their lives. It’s calming.

Over the last few months I have come to rely on my little Twitter community. They have helped me through my confession to my GP, my initial sessions with a psychiatrist and tentative new diagnoses. They are supportive when I need it. They make me laugh, cry, rage and rant – they make me feel. Sometimes it’s hard to get that in real life, it’s easier to be numb.

Twitter has become a crutch and right now I need that. I have a feeling that I take far more than I give but hopefully the balance will even out as I start to improve a bit. For now though, I need to know that those wonderful, kind, funny, helpful and supportive people are there. Without them, without access to Twitter, I have felt very alone and isolated. Very uneasy. Very aware of the cacophony and chaos raging in my mind.

If Twitter ever manage to get me back into my previous accounts, I shall delete them. In a way it’s a shame to as I had a wonderful community on my first account and this new one feels all echoey and empty – but I can’t keep switching back and forth. There’s been quite enough of that over the last few days! So if anyone wants to find me my new (third and hopefully final) account is @SamCandour. Come and say hi. 🙂

#*%&#ing Twitter

So the new account has also been suspended… I suspect it’s a problem with the Android app (just like yesterday it suddenly announced that my log-in details were incorrect then crashed) but none of the standard stuff (clear cache, uninstall, reinstall, try website, curse a lot) will allow me to log in. So once again I’m Twitterless, at the mercy of Twitter’s tech support who no doubt have thousands of emails to wade through, and feeling very much alone. 😦

Hey ho, maybe it’ll be good for me. After all it can’t be too healthy to rely on others to take me away from the chaos in my head, I need to learn how to cope on my own, right? Yeah, I’m not convinced either.

The artist formerly known as…

Well Twitter seem unable to find out what has happened to my account so for now I shall assume it is dead. So I have opened a new one – very similar name, same avi. So if you see me pop up as a new follower please follow me back – I want my Twitter life back! 😀

Middle-of-the-night maunderings

It’s after midnight and I should be asleep (I don’t want to turn into a pumpkin!) but I’m not. There are a few reasons for this. The first is that 14 month old DS has croup. He has a harsh, barking cough that keeps waking him and even when he’s asleep he’s restless and mumbling, sometimes calling out for me.

The second reason is insomnia. No matter what time I go to bed it takes hours for me to get to sleep. Not great.

But the main reason is the loss of my Twitter account. I have no idea what the problem is but it seems that my account is suspended for the time being. For most normal people this wouldn’t be a problem but I have come to rely on Twitter. I have friends there, people who I can laugh and joke with, be honest with in a way that I find nearly impossible in real life. There are wonderful, amazing people on Twitter who understand the way my mind works, who can empathise and sympathise when I’m struggling and who regularly offer a shoulder to lean on.

Without this source of support and companionship I feel very alone and near panic. I know this is irrational and yet I can’t stop the feelings of isolation and loss. I feel as though I am standing in the midst of a storm, the clouds and wind swirling about me, and I am shouting into the chaos – only now there is no-one there to answer me.

Of course I’m not really alone, DH is here. But he needs his sleep too and I don’t like to be any more of a burden to him than I have to be – Twitter gave me another outlet for the chaos in my mind. I hope my account is restored soon. I need it more than I realised.