Motherhood, mental illness and beyond

It’s a mardy post today but this has been irritating me no end and if I don’t rant about it here poor DH is going to have to bear the brunt of my wrath. ;-)

So. I keep seeing and hearing people come out with this sage piece of advice: don’t have children if you can’t afford them. On the surface it may seem reasonable and possibly even sensible advice but these days unless you’re sitting on a large heap of lottery winnings or have an obliging and wealthy relative there is no way to guarantee that you can afford children from one year to the next.

DH and I waited years to be in the right financial position to have children; only when we finally had good jobs, had bought a spacious flat and a car did we seriously consider it. And do you know what happened? By the time DD was 18 months old we had both been made redundant, resulting in large debts, bankruptcy and the repossession of our lovely flat. We had to move in with family.

And then, a few months later I discovered that I was unexpectedly pregnant with DS. (I say unexpectedly because I was on the pill; I later discovered that I had been prescribed the wrong dosage and therefore had no more protection from conceiving than if I had just crossed my fingers and hoped). DH and I had to make a huge decision – would we keep the baby? We knew that if we did we would have to move and claim benefits, as we couldn’t have a baby while living with family (that had been made very clear to us some time before). We talked about our options but though we’re both pro-choice there was really only one choice for us – to keep the baby.

Yes, perhaps it would have been more practical and sensible to have an abortion; that way we could continue living with family and save up some money so that we could afford to have another child in a few years time. In fact some people have been bold enough to tell me so to my face. But although DS wasn’t planned he was very much wanted and we figured that we would manage somehow. And we have, although we have had to rely on benefits for the last couple of years as the job situation has gone from bad yo worse. Only now is there a light at the end of the tunnel.

So forgive me when I get cross with people who smugly trot out this farcical advice. If everyone waited until they knew they could afford to have children no matter what life and the economy threw at them, then the human race would very quickly become extinct.

Update: The brilliant AGirlCalledJack has blogged about this as well, but examines the latest figures. Have a look here, the numbers are pretty scary!

Comments on: "“Don’t have children if you can’t afford them”" (43)

  1. I couldn’t agree with you more. It also suggests that a basic human right – to reproduce – should be restricted to the ‘right’ kinds of people.

    • Yes, that aspect makes me uncomfortable too.

    • I will agree with you that the right to have children is equal for everyone, but the rest of the world also has the right not work their collective asses off to pay for people who are nothing more then baby making factories.

      I personally know a woman that has 10 children, neither her nor spouse work or even attempt to, they just keep popping out children sitting at home collecting benefits, while they browse Facebook posting selfies, showing off their new iPhone and other toys as they live in low income housing, While others who work hard can sometimes barely make ends meet.

      I complete agree with sometimes people need a helping hand as in the story listed above, but there has to be a line drawn in the sand as to how much help a person can keep sticking their hand out for, at some point we have to say suck it buttercup start helping yourself.

    • People have a constitutional right to own a gun but if you can’t afford it, sorry, no gun for you. People have the right to live where they want, but if you can’t afford the mortgage, no house for you. If you can’t afford to have children, it’s irresponsible to have them. Having kids without regard to finances is like going out and buying a house without knowing how to pay for it. “We’ll figure it out” doesn’t cut it.

  2. I don’t think you are mardy at all. You make an excellent point

  3. I really want to slap a person when they say this, and I’m not a particularly violent person.
    We did the same you guys, waited until everything was in place before having a baby. Then BOOM 2 come along at once and we knew it would be difficult but we’d manage, we never expected Ethan to spend months in hospital wiping out our savings and then some. The stress of it all eventually caused me to be made redundant.
    We waited until we “could afford” a child, but then shit just kept hitting the fan, I mean really what do they want us to do, send the kids off to a shelter or have them adopted by the more affluent? Sorry this gets me all ranty too, bloody idiots making sweeping statements without knowing what they are on about.

    Sorry for long rant x

  4. Kevin Longmore said:

    It is a myth that people can rationally plan for the future. As we have seen it only takes a few irresponsible bankers to wreck the plans of thousands of people.

  5. What kind of utter fuckwit thinks, let alone says, let alone says *to you* that you should have aborted your own son? Things like this go a long way to wiping out my self-hate because I realise I might have a bit of a shrieky laugh but I’m never going to be a total and utter idiotface.

  6. I completely agree with you. Circumstances change and people should just keep their opinions to themselves.

    My husband and I were financially comfortable and he had a good job when we had our first. He was unable to work any longer after our second child as I became very unwell with a mental illness. Yes, I had issues after the first as well and some people probably think we shouldn’t have had a second. My husband was still holding down his job at this point and it looked like I was going to be ok. My diagnosis was Depression/Anxiety…it changed to Bipolar Disorder 2 after the second pregnancy.

    We are now on benefits and I am still struggling to recover (our second is 16 months, the first turns three later this year). If anyone wants to judge us and the hell we have been through, well…I won’t swear….but I am sure you can imagine what I would say lol. They would no longer be friends of mine.

    Unless a child is being abused or neglected, people should zip it. Thanks for a great post.

    • Thanks! I’m sorry you’re finding things difficult.

    • “now on benefits” is what you posted. F you. You knew you were in a bad way after baby number 1 and yet you and your husband decided to have baby number 2. I’m not saying abortion was the way to go, but dang, don’t hump it down. Why do you think you are entitled to this money from other people? That is a serious question. I can’t fathom taking money from people who go out every day and do a job that could be harder than one I could do.

    • You find time to look up BS on the web to comment on while taking other peoples money. Look for a job, become educated etc… .

  7. Yes I agree too…Ihave had five beautiful children, and if I had waited for the mythical time when I could afford it I’d be childless.
    But its a line my mother trots out everytime I tell her anyone I know…inc me is pregnant….
    Guess what, I’m an only child..they couldn’t ‘afford’ any more!

    • Leisha Young said:

      Henrietta, are you financially supporing your 5 children or are you relying on welfare to raise them?

  8. I think that bringing a child into the world is such an amazing, important and special thing to do. For me, it wasn’t so much about money, but whether ‘I’ felt I was able to be the mother I wanted to be – not to be a perfect mum, but to be a good enough mum. To give my child the safety, security and nourishment it deserved. I think those factors are far more important considerations than money.

  9. bchaison said:

    I want to say I agree with the general sentiment of this blog. Having children shouldn’t be restricted to those who have tons of money. Everyone has that right to children.

    I’m a moderate independent who is fiscally conservative but am not so naive and full of hate that I can’t understand everyone’s argument. I think most people understand that circumstances happen that can impact your life AFTER a child is born. Many of the people who’ve posted have noted that they’ve been in good shape pre baby, then events happen that impact their lives and their bank accounts. This stuff happens and those people who need help should have it, no questions asked.

    However, I think a lot of people have a problem with people who, for example, are already on welfare with 2 kids, having more children at that time. It’s a situation where you already can’t afford the children you have, then bringing another one into the world is irresponsible. A lot of the stories here I feel 100% sympathy for. I just think that when people make the argument “don’t have children if you can’t afford them”, need to clarify the message. Nobody ever has enough money for children, but there does have to be some responsibility involved.

    I’m not looking to offend or insult anyone, and if I did, I apologize. I just wanted to write a comment based on what I see, hear, etc. Thanks for sharing your stories!

    • The problem is when your couple on welfare find themselves unexpectedly having another baby – are you saying they should abort? Because no contraception is 100% reliable.

      Otherwise I quite agree with you. :-)

      • If you already have big financial problems then the best way is to be 100% sure that you are not going to have another child specially if you have already a one (So no sex, a marriage is a lot more than sex. That’s the more responsible way. Or use 2 or 3 methods at the same time… pills, condoms and track your fertile days all at the same time, at least make it difficult)

        Nobody can say for sure how the future will be, but they can take action for the present and having a kid in a bad time, with already the responsibility of another one, is bad decision. And IS a decision because adults know were children come from and that there’s no a 100% contraceptive method, nobody put a gun in their heads to have sex.

        On the other side, I’m not a “pro-live” but I do believe that people should take responsibility from their actions, so in this type of cases having the baby is the right choice. The sad part is that the ones that will have to “suffer” are the children, economical problems are hard in a family.

      • Leisha Young said:

        We all know how to prevent babies being made. If you use the pill and a condom you will not get pregnant, there are also ways of engaging in sexual activity that do not require the penetration of a penis into a vagina (and can be just as intimate). The pill is 99% effective if it is taken correctly, the reason it’s safe is because the egg is never released, so there is nothing to fertilise. The 1% is the margin for error with things like, gastric problems or being on antibiotics (which can render the pill ineffective and any doctor worth his/her salt should tell you this when you go onto them).

        Very often these so called ‘accidents’ are not accidents anyway, because the couple in question were engaging in unprotected sex and got pregnant. That is not an accident. Penis into vagina and ejaculation with no barrier can result in a baby being made…it’s not that hard.

        People need to take responsibility for their own behaviours and decisions. It’s part of being a mature adult.

        If you don’t want to get pregnant, then don’t. Take the necessary precautions or abstain from activities that have the potential to end in pregnancy. You may not want to, but that’s the taking responsibility part.

        Of course there are people that have children and then end up in a situation where they can’t afford them after the fact. This is very different to people claiming they ‘accidently’ got pregnant, and now can’t afford the child. Whilst there may be a handful of legitimate ‘accidents’, most happen because of the reasons stated above.

  10. Times have changed. After the war having babies was a big thing people celebrated. Today we are living in an overpopulated work. On one hand we are told their is problems with our water, air and climate. All due to our habits. On the other hand we are told to celebrate babies and feed the hungry aids babies Worldwide. Which is it?

    Well we are not living is sparsely populated post war times anymore. Everyone wants McMansions and cars, children, TV’s, health care, pensions …. but who pays?

    Don’t have children you cannot afford may be hurtfull truth. But it is truth. The last thing this world needs is yet another expectant child who wants their Mcmansion, cars, and pension and all for free.

    People use their children for their excuse. They are not as successful as they could be because they sacrificed for their children see .. WRONG. People use their children as an excuse. It just happened. Not out fault – we sacrifice so much. You sacrifice nothing. That’s the problem.

  11. To me your argument only seems to support the case that you shouldn’t have children unless you know you can afford them through your entire life. Let the 1% have children. Money is only 1 factor for me but I make that argument all the time. Even if you have money having children only delays your retirement. My #1 goal is to retire early as possible. Having children only slows this down.

    • Yeah I agree. However sometimes I think that the ‘Western’ way has destroyed any semblance of pure enjoyment anybody gets out of their kids. We live in such a competitive, high strung culture that having kids these days is just a pain in the neck nobody really needs or wants (considering the dramatic drop in child birth rates in the western world since the advent of birth control pills).

      Perhaps if we could exist in a less materialistic society having kids wouldn’t be such a financial drain. Who am I kidding though right? We can only dream.

  12. Sam, your situation is not the type that people are talking about when they say ‘don’t have kids if you can’t afford them’. It’s people who just start trying to conceive without once wondering what the cost will be once the child is born, and then discovering, ‘oh I can’t afford this’ when the kid arrives and looking at the government (i.e. tax payers) to throw money at them! And then get pregnant again… It’s not a God given right to have babies, in this day and age we have no worries of the world becoming under-populated (it’s very much the opposite), and we should go back to the times when we damn well had to fund our own kids with our own money!! If you can’t do that… I’m sorry but you just have to go without! Like I have to go without all the things I would like (and AM entitled to) that I can’t afford!!!

  13. Tothepoint! said:

    Simple solution ladies …do yourself a favour and get a hysterectomy.

    Then have sex all you want.

    Or give your man a vasectomy.
    Its cheaper than the cost of years of contraception and abortions.

    Problem solved.

  14. Sam Sandovs said:

    Firstly, I’m really glad for reading this. Secondly, I have a few feelings about it that I’d like to share.

    Currently, my husband has a modest income, we’re getting by… but very seriously just barely. We have to let the mortgage hang a month behind pretty much always and we’ve routinely had to make provisions for paying bills (asking the utility companies to stave the bills or for a payment plan), Stupidly, we live in a community with an HOA so we’re in debt to the HOA as well. With the ridiculous power that HOA’s have in the US, they could foreclose on our house due to our debt them.

    Despite those issues, I have the reoccurring thought of “baby”. I’m twenty-six currently. I think of my mom having had me at thirty-six yet she had my sister at twenty-one. I think of all the photos of my sister and mom, swimming, playing, travelling, just very exuberant. My mother definitely tried her very very very best, but I know that by the time I was born she was getting inevitably tired. I think the age that our mother had us even reflects in our personalities. My sister is unabashedly outgoing and I am somewhat reserved. So, if we’re able to have a family, I’d be slightly nervous about the affects of waiting to do so. Furthermore, I highly resent the fact that I have to consider finances, of all things, before doing something that feels so right and so natural. I have several family members who swear that having children later in life is better, but that’s not what my gut tells me. Not that having children at any age isn’t great, but for me personally.

    With all of that said, If I could, I’d like to have two, perhaps three kids. My husband and I have talked about it more than several times, each time we push the idea back with the same phrase “maybe when we’re in a more stable position”. Through reading this, and several other similar posts throughout the internet, I’m beginning to see that there’s almost no so such thing as a “stable position”. Yet, I can’t help but think of all money it takes to raise a child. I don’t want to force another little human to do without or live in something similar to poverty– but maybe that shouldn’t be the real concern. The stereotype seems to say that poverty goes hand in hand with neglect, but that’s not true, I know that’s not true. The stereotype wants you to feel like you’ve failed if you can’t afford to even try to keep up with The Jones’.

    I suppose the pressure here is clear. It’s not the finances or the age, it’s societies pressure to go beyond what’s possible.

    This was cathartic. Thanks for reading and writing.

    • Sam, I urge you not to have any children until you are in a more stable position. This may mean you have to plan your finances better. If you can barely survive now, how are you going to survive when you are no longer working?

      This is the whole concept of ‘taking responsibility’, it is not up to the state to pick up the tab because you so desperately want a child. Having a child is a huge responsibility that never goes away and, I hate to say it, but children who grow up in poverty vary really break the cycle of poverty. You really aren’t setting this child up for success in life (despite what the Hollywood movies say).

      There is plenty of time to have a child when you are more financially stable. You may need to go back to school and up-skill so you can get a higher paying job. You may need to consider downsizing your lifestyle to make your life more affordable to bring a child into. When a child comes along it will be much harder to do any of these things.

      As for having a child later in life? If you’re fit and healthy, there is no reason why you can’t keep up with a child in your 30’s and 40’s. Personally, I think having kids later in life makes you more patient and willing to sacrifice for your child, as well as being more financially set up to provide that child with a good life.

      I can’t honestly fathom why you are talking about having three kids when you can barely support yourself. Please don’t do it.

      • Sam Sandovs said:

        Hey Leisha,

        I hate to rain on the good you think you may be doing by posting such an offensive response to my comment about Sam Candour’s blog– but you’re really not coming from an intelligent place.

        Firstly, I’m twenty-six, that means I’ve had more than a decade to say “whoops!” and bring a child into this world unprepared (spoiler, it didn’t happen). Secondly, I have a college degree and I’m unemployed regardless (like many). Thirdly, my husband (who is eight years my senior) has his masters and is of course looking for a better paying position, probably within the same company. It’s not an unlikely scenario that our situation improves.

        However, the more disgusting thing about your comment is your generic and hurtful response to the idea of “poverty”. To quote you, “you may need to go back to school”, “I can’t fathom why you are talking about having kids”, “you really aren’t setting this child up for success”. Those comments are what the majority of the US thinks, those comments are what perpetuates. Rather than address the fact that my situation is more common than not (and will continue to be), rather than address why a couple with their bachelors and masters are so fiscally marginalized, rather than address why we are requiring that people entrench themselves in debt by “going back to school”, why are we not offering more social services, ect. you would rather repeat some meritocracy dogma. The majority of the current poverty in the US is from structural failings not personal failings as your meritocracy would suggest.

        Please don’t mistake my zeal for anger. Your willful apathy to such a crucially important subject needs to be discouraged in order to end the continuation of such hurtful and misguided idiocy.

        Also, to speak to your “it’s not up to the state to pick up the tab” comment, well then please ask the government to stop adding so much to everyone’s tab without regard for how their going to repay it.

  15. Sam, I’m not part of the meritocracy and support social welfare where it is needed most. I do not believe that means people who ‘already’ can’t afford children bringing them into the world just because they want them. If you can afford them, have them and then find yourself in a difficult financial position after the fact, I have no problem with the state helping you out until you can solve your financial situation, but to bring a child into the world when you knowingly can’t afford it is simply negligent.

    As for attacking me by referring to poverty, I was using your prose “I don’t want to force another little human to do without or live in something similar to poverty– but maybe that shouldn’t be the real concern.”. That’s the only reason I used the term in the first place, I wouldn’t have used it otherwise. I was simply stating that children born into a difficult financial situation are statistically less likely to achieve in life because they go to lesser schools, their parents have to work long and odd hours to support them (leaving them vulnerable to outside influences). Absent parents (working constantly to survive), also can’t provide a child with the adequate discipline they need to adhere to their studies and focus on their future and develop adequate social skills and behaviors. I’m not suggesting it is a rule, just that statistically speaking the figures don’t work in your favor.

    As for going back to school, if there are no jobs in your field of education then you need to become qualified in something that will help you gain employment or better employment. This doesn’t necessarily mean university, it can be a community college that skills you to do a trade or some other skill that is in demand. I don’t agree with it, but until it changes that’s just the way it is. We don’t always get what we want in life. The other option is that you take a job at the bottom of a place that is related to your study and work your way up to a higher position over time. This may mean you have to answer phones or whatever until you can manouvre yourself into a better position within the organisation, or another organisation. If there’s not work where you live, then consider moving elsewhere where there is work.

    I totally agree that the US government should do more to help struggling university students to get their education, but they don’t currently, so why make your current financial situation worse by having a child? Do the mature thing and hold off a few more years until you at least have some savings behind you and think about it then. Or move back with your parents (if that’s an option), and save every penny you have or plough it into paying off at least one of your student loans (anything to improve your financial situation).

    You can safely bring children into the world into your thirties, if you held off for 5 or 6 years you will most likely be in a better situation to bring a child into the world and be able to support it with little to no assistance form the state. That’s the responsible thing to do.

    I’m not against people on low incomes having children, I am against the mindset that says, “I want a child and I’m going to have one no matter what, and I expect other people to pay for that child”. It is not the responsibility of the state (which is really just the average Joe’s taxes) to pay for your child just because you want one. Like I said, we don’t always get what we want in life and that’s just the long and short of it. Nobody is saying don’t have kids at all, they are just saying that you should hold off until you can afford it (despite the fact you want to have kids young).

  16. Just Married said:

    I have to agree with this blog. I think there are some positive comments and some really negative comments as well. We live in a society where we are so materialistic. Part of the reason why most people can’t afford children is because they spend too much money on their child. Children don’t need a bunch of toys, fancy clothes, lots of shoes, ipad, ipod, cell phone, TV, computer, etc…. the list can go on. We spoil children and I do think it’s the parents fault. Children don’t need to eat at McDonalds or any other fast food restaurants on a weekly basis.

    I know a person who has four kids. She works part time and her husband also works. Sometimes he doesn’t work because his job is seasonal. Both of them purchased a vehicle once that they couldn’t afford. They gave that vehicle over to his mother. She wrecked the vehicle. Again, the same mother also had her son co-sign for the house that she purchased. She couldn’t make her house payments. This couple had to file for bankruptcy. Their four children are all very spoiled. Mom buys them junk food all the time. One time their son took his handheld video game to a restaurant and left it there. She went out and bought him a new handheld video game. I wouldn’t have done that! This couple also rents a house and they don’t have medical except for the kids. Now, if they were to have gotten themselves financially straight they wouldn’t be in this mess.

    Growing up my parents couldn’t afford everything. They purchased a home, used car and raised us three kids just fine. All their furniture in the house was used. They had a savings account. They never spoiled us at all. We would walk into a store and would never say anything. We never asked for things. If we didn’t have anything we would just make it ourselves. Christmas and Birthdays we mostly got clothes and a few little fun toys or a doll. Parents never spent much money on gifts for us. They never took us out to eat either. They did just fine over the years. They are doing well now! For the first time in my parents life they are now able to actually own a few things that are new like furniture and a vehicles. They waited until now to have those things. Financially they are doing great because they made good choices over the years.

    I think that if a couple can financially get themselves straight they can have kids. You will honestly never be financially ready to have kids. My mom has said that many times. Making the right money choices can in fact be a huge benefit.

    I don’t believe in being on welfare to have kids. Unmarried couples should stop producing children, teens should stop producing children, people on welfare should stop producing children…. list can go on. But sometimes, married couples do get stuck in situations they can’t control. Sometimes, people who have super good jobs end up in a situation where their unemployed. When you’re unemployed and looking for a job you do need some sort of an income, especially if you have children. Sometimes, kids are a surprise. No birth control method is 100% effect. I sure don’t believe in not having sex when your married… sex is healthy. I also don’t think that having surgery to prevent you from not getting pregnant is healthy either. What if in three or five years are financially stable and you want children? Now your in a situation where you’re stuck. Having children should be left up to God. Not what society wants.

    I currently am not working. I have two take two state test and get my credentials to be a teacher. My husband works full time. We live in a condo which I guess you could consider to be a low-income condo. My husband purchased this place for dirt cheap. We own this condo and we are so close to paying it off in a few years. I would like to have kids. My husband is scared. I honestly don’t worry to much about it. I feel that you can raise a child simply, like how I grew up. Children don’t need a lot. If my husband and I do have kids they will not have a lot. I will not let them be spoiled. They will learn to be creative, like I was when I was little. I feel that if a family learns to live simply they too can afford children. Kids don’t need a lot of crap to survive. We live in a society that tells us what things our child needs, how they need to be raised, etc. I get really annoyed when people follow what society wants. I one time was looked at funny for wanting my child to own a few wooden toys. If I were to say to someone that I want to use cloth diapers on my child, I know that people would think I was nuts.

  17. Dave lupertazzi said:

    “”””If everyone waited until they knew they could afford to have children no matter what life and the economy threw at them, then the human race would very quickly become extinct.””” <– Your kidding me right? Human race extinct? Yes were going to be extinct alright….as a result of over population. Our planet earth can only handle so much and we have passed that point. Your trying to justify your selfishness. """"although DS wasn’t planned he was very much wanted"""" <– you see. its about what you want!!! Not about what's best for the child. Your selfish and not very intelligent obviously. If your so smart why are you, and your man living with family flat broke. Go ahead make more excuses in your head, it will get you real far in life. What you make per year should reflect on how many children you have the right to have. This should be government regulated. In fact other countries do it. If your saying well what you make per year depends on the economy or market. The economy would become much more stable, the country in general would be a lot better off and it doesn't take a scientist to figure this. People getting checks and money for having children is ridiculous. Its not right. Its actually destroying our country. What's next people? TELL ME!!! we got gays getting married and adopting children,Press 2 for Spanish, back in the 60's this was unheard of, and for good reason, we actually had pride, class, morals, and standard's…. maybe we should give checks to drunk drivers. why not? were giving money to stupid people being lazy all the time. next you people are gonna wanna have sex with your dog and marry them to. if you cant make X amount of money per year there's a good reason for it!! the same reason you should not have kids. there's to many children suffering out their. That's what's pissing me off. Its not fair to them!!!! Giving a stupid person a check does not mean the child will get food in his stomach, or shoes on his feet. it means more stupid broke lazy drug addicts are gonna have more kids and the children will most likely grow up in an overcrowded low income home. I do not like the idea of a oppressive government. In fact I hate it. I Cant stand socialist's. But if we do not regulate this it will lead to the ultimate failure of our country. If you have a kid when you cant afford to take care of yourself and live in your parents basement, you should be locked the f%*k up, the child should be taken away!!! I'm willing to bet their would be a significant decrease in unplanned pregnancy's. Unplanned pregnancy's sound like laziness and excuse's to me! that's probably why your broke to begin with! LAZINESS EXCUSE'S!!! That's what's wrong with America. Get OFF your butt and off the computer and make something of yourself so you can support your children, raise them right ,protect them, and make them proud to be yours. No more excuse's!!!

  18. Dave lupertazzi said:

    Instead of coming in here looking for sympathy, which you will not get from me, and trying to justify what you have done. you need to take responsibility and raise your child right. putting the child first and not yourself. I doubt you will though you sound sketchy to me. you will probably get divorced if you haven’t already. then you will probably take the kids away from the father even if its not the best for them. just so you can collect a check or other selfish reasons. I wouldn’t be surprised if you move in with some guy you met four weeks ago and leave your children in his care, alone. That’s what most of you females do all the time. its crazy. I can go on all night but im tired FROM WORK!!! sam candour people like you and your husband are destroying the country. plain and simple.

    • Goodness, so much vitriol! I generally don’t respond to these sort of posts as I have better things to do than engage with someone so full of hatred. But I’m in a good mood today so I’ll make an exception for you.

      Firstly, I’m not American so a lot of your objections are invalid. Second, are you saying that I should have killed my unborn child? Thirdly, I have 2 degrees and used to work for the British government so I think we can safely assume that I’m reasonably intelligent. Fourth, my husband and I have been together for 12 years so far, happily married for 8.5 and good parents for almost 5. Fifth, the reason for my unemployment was ill health and I am now working again. And sixth and finally, you sound like an unpleasant, bigoted, judgmental and misogynistic individual. So this will be the only time I’ll respond to you.

  19. Leisha Young (@LJY2008) said:

    MRA alert people! Whatever you do don’t engage people, it’s the worst thing you can do. These guy are irrational and full of woman hate (evidently). In fact, I would advise the blog owner to delete their comments and pretend they never existed. Believe me when I tell you that nothing constructive can come from any kind of dialogue with these guys, they are angry and out for blood. Please everybody! Ignore their insanity and continue on with the constructive dialogue that was happening before these two cretins arrived with their poison.

  20. dave lupertazzi said:

    oh your british….that explains it. your still a piece of shit to me and many more. its not hatred its the truth. you cant handle the truth. so keep making excuses and justify your stupidity. have a good time. everybody in here doesn’t have a clue of the bigger picture here. our future America is not to good thanks to all these stupid people. your probably one of those stupid girls who reads tarot cards. hahaha… karma right? good things happen to good people…hahahah. what about children with cancer. were they bad? Hitler had a great life and lived lavishly until he killed himself. and he was evil and did the worst things. “good things happen to good people ” “everything happens for a reason” its simple minded stupid people that say shit like this. im am tired of stupid people, you cant reason with them, they don’t feel pain or guilt. they wallow through life doing what ever they want. you cant cure stupid!! have a good stupid life sam. and may god have mercy on your soul!

  21. Just Me said:

    Sorry but if I can not afford a place to live what makes you think I should go ahead and have a kid? For those that want to wait until they can afford to have a kid *even if that means they never have one* they actually have a good head on their shoulders and know that a kid costs billions to raise and care for and if they know that they live day by day they know there is no way they can bring a kid into this mess with out everyone involved suffering.

  22. My sister in law is like this. She is unmarried and living with her boyfriend. He Makes about 2500 a month. She works a little, but not enough to make a difference. Ever since she got pregnant with her first kid, her life has been a train wreck, and it always involves us bailing them out.
    There is chaos EVERY OTHER month. No kidding,
    They have
    No food
    No formula
    No toilet paper,
    No shoes
    No beds
    her boyfriend spent all the money there is no gas money, it just goes on and on. So we would send 300$ in diapers, or 200$ in formula, or 600$ in cleaning supplies, oh they cant afford their AAA Bill, so can we pay. OMG.
    There was a point when they were actually MAD that we didnt send the CASH. I could not believe how ungrateful. But let it go.
    Then she gets pregnant again. The helping out bills for us now include baby number 2 and baby # 1. Shoes for two kids, clothes for 2 kids just on and on.
    They get Aid because they make under 3K month.
    They live WAY outside their means
    Have 10 animals(really how do they afford this)
    and now are on to BABY number 3.
    Last month they had to take a Payday loan out to pay their rent, were late 10 days , had their cell phones shut off for 2 months, no house phone for over a month,
    nearly evicted.
    We get these calls every 2-3 months. Its Completely unstable,

    SO, I wrote her after i found out about baby number 3 and told her we would not be able to help with with yet another child, 3 children is too many for us to help out with and stay afloat ourselves. (we have 1 kid ourselves)
    She wrote back and said”Im Sorry you feel that way”.

    They are on and off assistance as it suites them and they enlist the help of everyone around them to keep them afloat at the same time. I dont think free daycare is helping the situation at ALL. I believe the fact that they have not had to face GIANT hospital bills for the births of their children or be accountable in any way has also not helped in their baby making decisions. They are irresponsible and keep having kids.

    They didnt have the money to have the first one, she ran up about 10K with my husbands grandfather before he died and bankrupted him, and them moved on to us after he died. She is 30K in the hole with student loans another 20K with bad debt, he has such bad debt he cant get a bank account in his name, they bouce checks all the time.

    But they get to stay on aid keep being irresponsible and fluff it off to other people

    It is unfortunate she will be living in poverty with her kids and spendaholic husband/ boyfriend but really thats not my problem, my problem is the fact that I let it go on.

    There are people who take advantage and those who learn and grow. I believe there are more takers than learners. And this is where that spoiled views come from on irresponsible child havers.

    Just My HO.

  23. You are talking about something else entirely – people who say ‘don’t have kids if you can’t afford them’ are not talking about people who DO wait til they can afford them and then fall on hard times, nor people who are taking precautions but become pregnant unexpectedly… we are talking about people who consciously decide to pop out babies whilst languishing on benefits and knowing nobody will stop them, and everyone else will pay!!

    The way I see it, there are loads of things I would dearly love but I cannot afford them, so I go without. And hard working tax payers are not going to buy these things for me! But apparently it’s different with babies… just keep having them regardless, and the state will pay! It’s all wrong!!!!

  24. Children are not a right; they are a privilege.

  25. I am sick and tired of people defending the “rights of a person” to have a child. If we were to just throw around all of the rights that we have then there are a lot of things that people “can” do without regard for their fellow man. That being said, I personally don’t think that I should have to pay for anyone, kids, animals, starving people, etc. I don’t blame the people for playing the system as much as I blame the system for being broken. Why is it the responsibility of others to ensure that someone has the things they want or need. I have chosen not to have children for several reasons but if I did I wouldn’t expect someone to just throw money at me because I have done something that humans have been doing since the beginning of our species. It infuriates me to think that money I have earned is going to someone who just pops out babies with no regard for how they will take care of them. If you disagree with this then you are part of the problem.

  26. Alexandra said:

    Where does our hard earned money go? To baby bonuses, child support, freaken god forsaken welfare – to everyone who is too damned lazy and unmotivated to go to school, get a real job, and support children in the right environment. People should wait until marriage and until they have a stable household and lives before they even think about having children. If you can’t afford them, I’m sorry to say that abortion or adoption is the most sensible option. Keeping the child is not the only answer, some people are just too deluded and stubborn for the other options. No, I am not a senior by any means. I am a 22 year old woman who has been raised by parents who share the same views, and I 100% honestly agree with them. I turned out great. People need to grow up, stop overpopulating the universe and learn how to raise a child in the proper environment. I should show my parents this article.

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